The wind is a little blustery today, the air just a bit nippier, and it seems like I have felt these things before. The time has come for warm sweater, hot chocolate(possibly from Starbucks), and Christmas music! Here in the mail room we have begun to fill the basement with carols and songs about White Christmases. Hopefully soon we will begin to deck the halls and make it festive around here. I know that it is not yet Thanksgiving but soon it will be! There is exactly 6 weeks left till Christmas! How exciting:)
"Buna dimineata" is how we are greeted in the morning when we arrive at staff meeting. There is a group of Romanian pastors here at Head Quarters. They are here to meet with Mr. Gothard and for some of them it is their first time being in America!
Last night we had a banquet in their honor. Andrew Ouatu, Brandon Keilen, Janny Moore, and myself. The dinner was wonderful and the dessert even better :) A group sang for them and they in return sang for us. The voices of these men are indescribable. They have such power in them and they demand your attention when they lift their voices together. I would have to say that my favorite part about them being here is singing with them. We sing in English and they join in Romanian. There is nothing like it, it makes me think of the verse that says every tribe, tongue, nation will profess Jesus as Lord. To hear that sound would be amazing-I can't wait:)
Every morning the staff comes together to listen to Mr. Gothard. He encourages us to take notes, afterwards we turn them in, he reads them, and they are returned to us. Here are some notes that were taken a couple of days ago....
Praise God and rejoice in your suffering
Connect back with God
Obey then understand john 15:16
Make the most of the relationships God has placed in your life even if they are for a short season
Isaiah 6:8 Trust God whether He sends you or not
Choose to forgive
Take every thought captive and bring it under Jesus authority
Put your fear on God's throne and experience His peace
God after God-do whatever it takes

I know that they are not very focused on one particular subject but they are powerful statements that he made. So I leave you with this-

Isaia30:18,,Totuş Domnul aşteaptă să Se milostivească de voi, şi Se va scula să vă dea îndurare, căci Domnul este un Dumnezeu drept: ferice de toţi ceice nădăjduiesc în El!

John 16:20-24
Verily, Verily I say into you. That ye shall weep and lament but the world shall rejoice and ye shall be sorrowful but your sorrow shall be turned into joy. A woman when she is in travail hath sorrow, because her hour is come but as soon as she is delivered of the child she remembereth no more the anguish for joy that a man is born into the world. And ye now therefore have sorrow but I will see you again and your heart shall rejoice and your joy no man taketh from you. And in that day ye shall ask me nothing. Verily, verily I say unto you whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name He will give it to you. Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask and ye shall receive that your joy may be full.

Captivating
We must constantly direct our gazes toward the face of God, even in the presence of longing and sorrow. It is in the waiting that our hearts are enlarged. The waiting does not diminish us. As a pregnant woman is enlarged in her waiting, so are our hearts. God does not always rescue us out of a painful season. You know that He does not always give to us what we so desperately want when we want it. He is after something much more valuable than our happiness. He is restoring and growing in us an eternal weight of glory and some times…..it hurts.

James 1:4
But let patience have her perfect work that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

Verses from Psalm 37

Delight thyself also in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way into the Lord, trust also in Him and He shall bring it to pass. Rest in the Lord. Wait patiently for Him. The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord and he delighteth in His way. Though he may fall he shall not be utterly cast down for the Lord upholdeth him with His hand.

Psalm 40
1I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry.
2He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.
3And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD.
4Blessed is that man that maketh the LORD his trust, and respecteth not the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies.
5Many, O LORD my God, are thy wonderful works which thou hast done, and thy thoughts which are to us-ward: they cannot be reckoned up in order unto thee: if I would declare and speak of them, they are more than can be numbered.
6Sacrifice and offering thou didst not desire; mine ears hast thou opened: burnt offering and sin offering hast thou not required.
7Then said I, Lo, I come: in the volume of the book it is written of me,
8I delight to do thy will, O my God: yea, thy law is within my heart.
9I have preached righteousness in the great congregation: lo, I have not refrained my lips, O LORD, thou knowest.
10I have not hid thy righteousness within my heart; I have declared thy faithfulness and thy salvation: I have not concealed thy lovingkindness and thy truth from the great congregation.
11Withhold not thou thy tender mercies from me, O LORD: let thy lovingkindness and thy truth continually preserve me.
12For innumerable evils have compassed me about: mine iniquities have taken hold upon me, so that I am not able to look up; they are more than the hairs of mine head: therefore my heart faileth me.
13Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me: O LORD, make haste to help me.
14Let them be ashamed and confounded together that seek after my soul to destroy it; let them be driven backward and put to shame that wish me evil.
15Let them be desolate for a reward of their shame that say unto me, Aha, aha.
16Let all those that seek thee rejoice and be glad in thee: let such as love thy salvation say continually, The LORD be magnified. 17But I am poor and needy; yet the Lord thinketh upon me: thou art my help and my deliverer; make no tarrying, O my God.

Deep breath....finally a break in the midst of insanity. Or so I think...

It is the last of our old computer system, the final push to end on a good note. It is hard and feels like you can bearly breath, but everyone down here is doing amazing! There is talk of having to push back the dead line because we may not be able to make it, I think we can:) Watch out world-here we come!

I am reading a book called Captivating by John and Sheri Elderidge. Most excellent and I recommend it. Another book that I am reading is called Believing God for His Best. So often our best (or so we think) gets in the way of God's best. By submitting our desires, thoughts, dreams, and hopes to Him we are able to be used by Him and be led in His way which will lead to His best for us. Untill we lay down ourselves we can not begin to follow Him. It means, I guess to me that I have to become humble and let down my pride in thinking that I know what God's best is. It also is connected with being content. I am sure taht there are many more things that I have not yet come to realize yet, but I am still learning and open to what God is wanting to show me.

Have you ever told God that you are willing to do something and then when it actually happens you are wondering why you are having to go through this? Well, that happened to me recently and now that my break is over I will have to write about it later:)

Phil4:11I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength

Falling…
It's night, a perfect crescent moon contrasts the dark sky, millions of glimmering stars fill the surrounding back drop as I walk through an opening in the midst of wooded lands. The sound of crunching leaves and infrequent howl of distant coyote are the only that pierce the perfect stillness. The leaves adding to the freedom of the moment, lie in thick carpet, as if welcoming in any direction; their unique and beautifully nostalgic scent hanging in the fresh cool air… becoming richer every moment as dew moistens their range of shape and color.
These leaves, only a few short days ago stood as the high-lifted glory of many a mighty oak, poplar, and vine, the life of each now distinctively fading, are the objects of many a playing child's glee. The same will continue to break down, and become nothing more than a part of the very soil in which their former bearer stands rooted.
Tree and vine stand stripped and apparently lifeless, as if deserted in the darkness, each casting long shadow across the open ground and over the now dead and dying leaves that once filled their branches. My mind races forward… temperatures drop as fall gives way to winter; the season's first snowflakes fly, bringing with them the shock of startling cold. However, what now jolts the entire being of every plant, tree and flower with stinging chill, will soon become a covering of both of warmth and protection. These which the initial cold flakes jolt, will become their protectees. As each faces a lonely fight for survival against the deadly freeze, they will find rest beneath blanket upon blanket of the very flakes they now despise.
A gentle breeze wisps through the stillness, and then Father's voice, calm almost musical taking precedence in my consciousness. "I Am…I am the Vine, you are a branch, I emptied myself that my joy might be in you and your joy might be full, if you will but lose your life you will find Life. I discipline every son I receive, because I love you, it is for your protection. Will you lose your life? Stand exposed in humility and honesty in order to discover the blossoming power of my Life through deeper levels of intimacy?"
The air is cooler now, the dew soaked leaves have a cold yet delicate white trim as frost begins to thicken across the ground. I notice as my footsteps become visible that next to my own lay those of feet much larger, yet they have never taken longer stride. He could have walked much faster than I, yet I get the impression it is not the walk He is interested in but rather being by my side.
"My son, do not walk as a child, but rather accept the fact you are one. Accept you childhood, my Fatherhood, and walk in the delight of our relationship."
Hearty and joyous laughter fills the night as He playfully throws me up into the cool air; His arms outstretched to catch me… I am falling…

~Written by C. Matlock

The hardest part of holding on is letting go...

I am finding this out as I am here at Head Quarters. God has brought life changing people into my life and and has also taken them away. I don't understand sometimes why He does it, but I know that if those people had not been brought into my life that I would not be who I am today. They each have invested something in my life that I never would have if they wouldn't have passed through my life. I thank God for each person that He has allowed me to have be my friend. The Lord gives and takes away, I will say blessed be the name of the Lord. It is hard and I may not feel like saying it all the time, but I still say it. Why? Because He knows better than I do, He knows the plans He has for me and they are for me to prosper-not to harm me. I need encouragement-lots of it. Please pray for me..pray for those who are leaving and that God will work through their lives wherever they are lead to go.