None of the following is written by me- i received this in an email from my friend. I normally don't like to put up certain viewpoints...but htis one really was written well and I was able to understand it very well. I hope you all enjoy :)

As I started writing to the guys based on their answers, the note kept growing and growing. So I've decided to do a note to guys and another to girls. I'm not tagging anyone in this note to help with the anonymity of the survey.If you’re reading this and you filled out my little survey, thanks a bunch! I appreciate your willingness to share your candid thoughts and gut reactions to the questions. I tried to make the survey short but it still took you just over 15 minutes to fill it out, on average. I’m really humbled that you’d take that much time to answer the questions. It shows you really answered them thoughtfully and I’m grateful for that.

When it comes to relationships, it’s probably safe to say that most of the people reading this note subscribe to some form of “courtship” since just about ever guy selected that as the choice of the first survey question. However, in light of the other survey answers, it’s become obvious that many single guys who think they are pursuing a courtship model may produce some of dating’s negative effects as they interact with the opposite gender.Now, when I use the word “relationship,” it means that a guy and a girl have decided to get to know each other better specifically for the purpose of marriage. For anyone not familiar with the term “courtship,” this may sound a little extreme. But for others, this definition is too loose. Sorry about that if you’re on either side of the fence, but it’s apparent that this is the meaning of the word “relationship” for most of those who responded to the survey.

Guys, when it comes to pursuing a girl you’re interested in, your first reaction is to pray about the relationship. Many also mentioned that you would seek counsel from spiritual authorities in your life like your parents and your pastor. These are definitely safe ways to go about opening a God-directed relationship with a girl.Another equally popular answer was some form of staying in contact with her whether through email, a social media site like Facebook, or engaging her in conversation if you live near each other. Some of you made it clear that you would try to increase this contact in a group setting so as not to arouse a girl’s suspicion that you’re interested in getting to know her better. In this way, you show that you respect her feelings and don’t want to give her the impression you’re interested without committing to the relationship.

In viewing the girls’ responses, though, maintaining direct contact with a girl because you’re interested while not committing to a relationship with her could have the opposite effect a guy may want. In other words, while subscribing to courtship, the guy’s mode of interaction could involve negative emotional elements that leave a girl confused even as she sees herself getting emotionally attached to the guy who is keeping in contact with her.Now, I’ll give you guys the benefit of the doubt because I didn’t include one option I should have when I asked you what you do when you’re interested in a girl. That’s because I’m a novice at formulating surveys. Anyway, there’s one answer that girls really want to hear if you’re going to stay in contact with her: Tell her your intentions! Why? When you stay in contact with a girl and increase communication with her via email, Facebook, or whatever, you open the door for her to become emotionally attached to you but you are sending her mixed signals about how you feel about her. This is even the case if you only want to be friends with her and have nothing else in mind.Girls want to know why you’re keeping in contact with them. Are you merely looking for a friend or do you have something else in mind? Until you let her know, she is going to wonder why you’re communicating with her and will be confused if you don’t tell her what you’re thinking.Letting her know your motivation for the interaction is incredibly important because as a girl shares more of who she is with you, she can’t help but become emotionally invested in this quasi-dating/courtship relationship. This isn’t her fault—it’s how God has wired her. But guys, if you really care about a girl and respect her emotions, you’ll let her know where you’re coming from. If you can’t do that for whatever reason, stop communicating with her for her sake.

While approaching a girl on any level is simple, it can be hard to carry out because you may not want to risk losing the relationship altogether. However, either of these paths—backing off or revealing your intentions—is the best way for following the biblical mandate of treating her like a sister (1 Timothy 5:2), as opposed to getting her emotionally attached to you over an extended period of interaction.Really, your highest goal with any young lady should be to protect her honor. Some guys have decided that any kind of one on one contact with a girl could reflect badly on her so they’ve decided to limit their interaction with females to group settings. The guys who do this are very serious about listening to God for who he wants them to begin a relationship with and many have found “the one” while still maintaining a friendly distance around girls in general. Now, this approach will never win a popularity contest in today’s culture but it may be something worth considering if that’s how God is leading you.

I believe two deceptions motivate a guy to communicate with a girl he’s interested in without telling her he’s interested: pride and self-centeredness. Pride, because he doesn’t want to admit that he’s emotionally attracted to her or is simply afraid he might be rejected. There’s also self-centeredness because if a dude is half in/half out about how he feels, he may still want to “keep his options open” while he’s enticing a girl to get emotionally entangled with him. That’s not fair to her, guys.Now, I’m not telling you to do something I haven’t done myself in regard to girls I have communicated with regularly but was not sensing God’s leading to deepen our relationship. I've approached several girls this way and all the results have been positive. The girls respected where I was coming from and made it clear that if I needed to pull back in our interaction, that was fine with them. Most girls who responded to the survey don’t want to give the wrong impression to guys they aren’t interested in.A reality check is probably in order when it comes to a girl you’re not interested in but who feels comfortable staying in contact with you. She’s probably not falling head over heels for you (even though it may seem like it or you’d like to think so). Some girls are just friendly and like to stay in contact with a bunch of people. I’ve found this out by asking several girls that I seemed to be getting mixed signals from. Each was honest and made it clear that they haven’t had any motive except for us to get to know each other better.So guys, the ball’s in your court. You’ve heard what girls have to say about your interaction with them. Now it’s up to you to treat them with the respect they deserve. Let her know what’s going on in your heart or back off. And if God is clearly leading you to begin a long term relationship with her, just be honest with her. You might be surprised by the response you get.

Another part-

This ones for the girls :)

So, this is it. It's going to be a part of an article on who different singles are looking for in a potential spouse. This isn't the exact article b/c I needed to shorten that one. I guess this is the "expanded" version.I wanted to avoid this being a personal so I left out specifics since I'm not really "on the hunt." I don't expect a lot of comments after anyone reads this (if anyone reads it all) but anyone bold enough to share their thoughts gets major brownie points;-) BTW, none of the girls tagged in this note need to take any of this personally. I don't think I know any of you well enough for that. Well, I know Sharon pretty well but she defies explanation:-D

Here goes...I’ve run into three types of girls over the years—two of them kind of make me chuckle inside. I say that it’s a sort of chuckle because there’s a hint of sorrow that rises up in me as well. The third class I’ve observed always makes me stop and think. And smile.

Just Say Hi

Although I grew up in an ultra conservative homeschooling setting, I don’t spend a lot of time with ultra conservative homeschoolers anymore. However, I run into them from time to time. The type of girl I most often interact with in these circles is one of those that makes me laugh and cry at the same time. Actually, I should call these interludes “non-interaction” since most of these girls ignore my existence—or at least try to. I used to let them get away with such behavior but not any longer. Now I engage them in conversation or some other form of communication that helps loosen them up a bit.In some homeschooling spheres, interaction between guys and girls is viewed as either sinful or an initial pass at pursuing each other for marriage. This is sheer deception. God made the genders to challenge, edify, and add dimensions to their lives they couldn’t experience on their own. And there is a way to do this as a single person, which I could go into but that’s beyond the scope of what I’m writing about now. It just concerns and saddens me that many girls are afraid to engage the opposite sex out of fear that they’ll sin or that others will judge them for being immoral.Now, this tendency isn’t restricted to the ultra conservative crowd. I think it’s really just fear. In these circumstances, I always think, “Wow, do I look that fierce?” Several years ago I remember telling one girl that I wasn’t going to bite her—in other words, she really could sit near me with full confidence that she’d walk away in full safety. She didn’t understand.In other words, just get over yourself and say hi.

There is a pendulum swing to the opposite end of the spectrum, though. This second class of girls I’ve resorted to calling “ferocious females.” This is the kind of girl that has it all backwards—instead of waiting to be pursued, she pursues. Really scary! Young ladies like this always make me want to run and hide because I realize that such a relationship is not how God intended guy/girl interaction to look like.I have to say that I appreciate energetic, engaging girls. What concerns me, however, is that with some young ladies, there’s a sense of discontentment with their singleness. When a girl is satisfied with the time of life that God has called her to live in, that’ll grab a guy’s attention, to say the least. That way, he’ll know that if this girl can flourish before marriage, she’ll do the same after she ties the knot. Every Christian single today hears from many quarters that marriage is not a remedy to discontentment with singleness. Girls who show that they don’t believe this by their actions and attitudes would do well to mature in this truth for one good reason—they may scare off the guy who would be their potential mate. Okay, that’s probably extreme but you get the point.

Looking for Sarah

This brings us to the type of girl that is very appealing and attractive. I like it when a young lady I meet takes the time to both talk and listen. People will always be able to talk about what interests them, what they’ve spent time thinking about. When I come across a girl who can speak to the passions that God has put in my heart, I get interested. Having a shared passion from the Lord is something that I know will take us beyond the high level of emotion that our relationship will begin with. That passion will keep us together for a lifetime.At least, I think so. Remember, I’m still single.My attention is piqued when a girl is walking in the freedom of Christ. The first two types of girl are locked up, each in their own way. The most attractive women I’ve met are those who are satisfied where they are yet open for more of what God has for them. This is a freedom only God can give. In away, I’m looking for one thing: confidence. A girl who has placed her confidence in Christ, who isn’t “afraid with any amazement” (1 Peter 3:6) but resembles Sarah—that’s a girl that will make any guy turn his head. Including this one.Up to now, I can sum up in a word what means to follow God. It’s an adventure. When God brings that girl across my path that makes my heart flutter and makes me weak in the knees, I know that she’ll be willing to follow me as follow God on the adventurous path he lays before us together and has already been laying before me. A lot of guys will be satisfied with a typical life—work hard, play hard, raise a family, grow old. But for me personally, I know that God will bless me with these as well but it just may be in a different part of the world.For a lot of girls, thinking about raising a family without the support of her parents or a bunch of mature believers can be overwhelming. And that’s fine—God may not have called them to that. But what has he called them to? Like my happily married brother has told me, “Find a girl who is willing to follow. But be willing to give up as much as you’ve asked her to.” When the time is right, I know we’ll both be willing to do this. Really, we’ll want to sacrifice for each other. Even if that means living in a different hemisphere. Isn’t that what Sarah was willing to do? She followed even if she didn’t understand. She trusted God despite Abraham’s deficiencies. Sarah wasn’t afraid. Yeah, I’m keeping my eye out for Sarah.

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